The Dark Night

It is 3:23 PM Saturday afternoon in the flow of existence. I just woke up from a nap. I think I was down for an hour maybe more? Anyway I am awake and should write something in my blogs.

This morning around 9:30 AM Carol and I left to visit shopping malls in GR. Carol wanted to look for a dress for the wedding in July. We went to three malls and Carol found nothing, so we came home. We were home by 1 o’clock PM. Carol went to bed and I came down in the basement to sleep. So has gone by my existence today.

I have been reading today off and on “The Stories of John Cheever”. I have not gotten around to reading anything else today. I am tired and feel wasted.

Last night there was nothing on television so I read and went to bed around 10 o’clock PM.

music Tim Hecker “An Imaginary Country”

I got up this morning around 6:18 AM to find Carol up having her devotions in our living room.

It has been a simple day of existence today. Nothing has happened to blow off your socks.

music: SUNN O))) “Monoliths & Dimensions”

It is 8:19 AM Friday morning in the flow of existence. I have been up since 6:18 AM. As I look around me I see that the sun is shining outside. I am sitting in our dining area writing words on my lap top. Carol left for a staff meeting at the hospital this morning. This afternoon Carol wants to look for a dress to wear to Caleb and Emily’s wedding in July. I expect her to come home this afternoon and go back to bed.

I read Second Samuel/OT this morning. I feel tired this morning. I feel a little freaked. I want to find someplace to hide.

Last night there was nothing to watch on television so I listened to music down in the basement in the dark. I went to bed early and read “Son of the Morning” a novel by Joyce Carol Oates. I finished reading this novel and will try to get into next “The Stories of John Cheever”.

Yesterday I also read when not falling asleep “The Law Is Not Of Faith: Essays on Works and Grace in the Mosaic Covenant”. I now remember what I did last night. I was down in the basement listening to music when Carol told me she was leaving to visit her mother. When Carol got home from visiting her mother we went to a grocery store. We got home from the grocery store around 10:25 PM.

I was too tired last night to put on the music. I was too wasted to dance.

I ought to mow the lawn today sometime. I hate yard work. It is scary to see our neighbors always doing yard work! Why do our neighbors want their yards looking like plastic? Carol tells me people like working outside after being inside all day at their jobs. People find it relaxing working on their lawns. I accept that the earth is cursed. I rather sit in my cell and wait to go to heaven.

Carol walked Rudy this morning, so I am free from that chore. I should go for a walk so as to clear my head. But I am tired from existence, plus my legs hurt. So what to do now to keep myself awake? Do not have a clue. Well I will close to sit and watch the wheels spin inside my head.

music: Bill Callahan “Sometimes I Wish We Were An Eagle”

It is 11:19 AM Thursday morning in the flow of existence. LiveJournal is down so I am writing here in Diaryland.

I took Rudy for a walk at Kollen Park this morning. As I was walking Rudy a tugboat came by and I took some pictures.This morning it is cold, gray and windy. Lake Macatawa looked cold this morning. I wonder what it would be like to be a tugboat captain?

So here I sit down in the basement listening to Bardo Pond and drinking coffee. Carol got home from work around 8:30 AM this morning. She is off the next four nights. Tomorrow she wants to go look for a dress to wear to Caleb and Emily’s wedding in July 2009. I have to get measured for a tux also tomorrow.

I have nothing eye popping to do today. I got out these books to look at this morning—

Shepherds after My own Heart: Pastoral traditions and leadership in the Bible” by Timothy S. Laniak [New Studies In Biblical Theology] In this book chapter 5 is titled ‘YHWH, David and the royal traditions’. This chapter goes along with what I have been reading in Second Samuel/OT.

“Sermons On 2 Samuel Chapters 1-13″ by John Calvin [Translated by Douglas Kelly].

When I was in seminary I had Doug Kelly for my Reformed Theology professor. As far as I know Dr. Kelly is still teaching Reformed Theology. I read the other day Christian Focus is publishing Dr. Kelly’s three volume Systematic Theology. Personally I always found Dr. Kelly simple, but a fine Christian man. Dr. Kelly is suppose to be a well renown Calvin scholar, but I find that hard to believe. But what do I know? I am just a old fart sitting down in the basement reading Calvin’s sermons on Second Samuel listening to Bardo Pond. Whereas Dr. Kelly is busy teaching and preaching God’s Word.

Dr. Kelly also is a book worm. When I was in seminary I use to visit Kelly’s office and it was filled with thousands of books. The seminary had to build book shelves down the middle of his office for some of his books. I think he told me he had more books at home and at the family homestead. Dr. Kelly was a true Southern, he loved the South and was proud his long family history-Scottish Presbyterians. Kelly studied in Scotland and married a Scottish woman. One time when I was visiting Dr. Kelly’s office looking through is vast library he told me if I saw any book that he had two copies of I could have the second copy. I found one book Kelly had two of and he gave it to me. I still have the book in my library. The book Kelly gave me is or was titled “A Rational Inquiry Into The Principles Of The Modern Deists” by Thomas Halyburton, Professor of Divinity in the University of St. Andrews, Scotland published in 1812. At the back of this old book is an essay by Halyburton titled AN ESSAY, CONCERNING THE NATURE OF FAITH; OR, THE GROUND UPON WHICH FAITH ASSENTS TO THE SCRIPTURES: Wherein The Opinion Of The Rationalists About It, Is Proposed, And Examined, Especially As It Is Stated By The Learned Mr. Locke, In His Book On Understanding published in 1812.

Dr. Kelly let me borrow all the time books from his personal library. I remember one time reading a biography on the life of Rabbi Duncan that I borrowed from Kelly’s library. Years later I got a copy of the book “The Life Of Rabbi Duncan” by David Brown.

While searching for the book on the life of Rev. John Duncan I came across a book titled “Memoirs Of The Life Of The Rev. Thomas Halyburton, Professor Of Divinity In The University Of St. Andrews. This is a precious old book and right now I do not remember where I got it? I will quote from the memoirs of Halyburton since I am nuts—

“But it was not the word alone that conveyed the discovery; for most of the passages whereby I was relieved I had formerly in my distresses read and thought upon, without finding any relief in them. But now the Lord shined into my mind by them. (2 Cor. iv. 6). Formerly I was only acquainted with the letter, which profits not (John vi. 63); but now the Lord’s words where “spirit and life” (Ps. xxxvi. 9); and “in his light I saw light.” (Ps. cxix. 18.) There was light in them; a burning light by them shone into my mind, to give me not merely some theoretical knowledge, but “the light of the knowledge of the glory of God, in the face of Jesus Christ.” (2 Cor. iv. 6). And many differences I found betwixt the discoveries now made and the notions I formerly entertained of the same truths.

-1. It “shone from heaven” (Acts ix. 3); it was not a spark kindled by my own endeavours, but it shone suddenly about me; it came by the word of God-a heavenly mean; it opened heaven, and discovered heavenly things-the glory of God; and it led me up as it were to heaven. Its whole tendency was heavenward.

2. It was a “true light” (John i. 9), giving true manifestations of God, even the one true God, and the one mediator between God and man; and giving a true view of my state with respect to God, not according to the foolish conceits I had formerly entertained, but as they are represented in the word.

3. It was a pleasant and sweet light: “Truly light is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the eyes to behold the sun.” (Eccles. xi. 7.) It had a heavenly satisfaction in God attending it. It led to a pleasure in the fountain whence it came.

4. It was a distinct and clear light, representing not only spiritual things, but manifesting them in their glory, and in their comely order (2 Cor. iv. 6); it put all things in their due line of subordination to God, and gave distinct and sweet views of their genuine tendency.

5. It was a satisfying light. The soul rested in the discoveries it made, and was satisfied; it could not doubt if it saw, or if the things were so as it represented them. (1 John ii. 27.)

6. It was a quickening, refreshing, healing light. When this Sun of Righteousness arose, there was “healing under his wings.” It was the light of life. (John viii. 12; 2 Cor. iv. 6.)

7. It was a great light. It made great and clear discoveries, whereby it easily distinguished itself from any former knowledge of these things I had attained. And,

8. It was a powerful light. It dissipated that thick darkness that overspread my mind, and made all those frightful temptations, that had formerly disturbed me, fly before it. When the Lord arose, “his enemies were scattered,” and fled before his face (Ps. lxviii. 1).

9. It was composing. It did not, like a flash of lightning, suddenly appear, and fill the soul only with amazement and fear; but it composed and quieted my soul, and put all my faculties in a due posture, as it were, and gave me the exercise of them. (Cant. iii. 8, compared with Isa. lvii. 19.) It destroyed not, but improved my former knowledge. . .” pg. 104, 105 from the “Life of Rev. Thomas Halyburton (1674-1712)”

I must close to put away my books and eat lunch.

It is 9:21 AM Thursday morning in the flow of existence. I think I got up this morning around 6:20 AM. When I got up I had to shut all the windows in the house. Today it is cold and damp, yesterday it was gray and humid.

I made a pot of coffee this morning and read Second Samuel/Old Testament till Carol got home from work. Carol is off from work the next four nights. She has gone to bed to sleep for awhile. She told me she took care of an old woman who was dying during the night. I was thinking as Carol told me of this old woman dying that at one time this woman was a young woman full of hopes and dreams.

I told Carol we have to have before us the Big Picture. What is the Lord doing in the world right now? It all goes back to Second Samuel chapter 7 I told my wife “The Lord declares to you that the LORD himself will establish a house for you: When your days are over and you rest with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, who will come from your own body, and I will establish his kingdom. He is the one who will build my house for my Name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever” 2 Samuel 7:11-14. The Lord is building His house the Church. God has been gathering His people since the dawn of Time.

God is absolutely sovereign. He sits in glory and majesty. Nothing disturbs God as He rules the heavens and the earth. I told Carol this morning think of all the history that has passed since the writer of Second Samuel wrote the words in 2 Samuel 7. Thousands of years have passed and the Lord has accomplished His Word. The Messiah the Lord Jesus Christ is the true Shepherd of David. It was by the Lord’s death on the Cross that the Plan of God was accomplished.

God’s purpose is to created a people, a Church or a new creation where we can experience the love of the Triune God. God did not have to create the world. God did not have to create man. The Lord did have to save any of us out of the fallen race. But He did for His own glory. God wanted to create a people that could experience perfectly the love of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. God wants us to experience the love of the Trinity for ever and ever. The Lord Jesus by His cross death made that possible. We now have open to us fellowship with the Lord God Almighty. “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete” 1 John 1:3,4.

We go through our days seeing all around us humanity dying. We have to have before us the Grand Plan of Redemption. Our lives are but a vapor. Someday in the new world we will experience perfect unity, perfect love and perfect humanity. We will be eternally in fellowship with each Person of the Godhead. Now is a time of waiting. Now is a time to love and serve one another.

So here I sit in the basement talking to myself. I need to take Rudy for a walk someplace. Time keeps ticking away.

“Therefore, you kings, be wise; be warned, you rulers of the earth. Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son, lest he be angry and you be destroyed in your way, for his wrath can flare up in a moment. Blessed are all who take refuge in him.” Psalm 2:10-12

It is now 10:56 AM Wednesday morning. I am back from taking Rudy for a walk at Kollen Park this morning. On the way home I stopped at the local library, Lemonjello’s and the Full Circle.

Our local public library had no poetry by James Dickey sadly to confess.

I am down in the basement so as to escape the humid hot air upstairs. It is extremely humid outside this morning. The air is thick with water dampness.

Carol got home from work around 8:15 AM. She told me during the night she with a 89 year old man dying. Before he died he told Carol of his experiences in World War II fighting along side General Patton. I wonder if the dying man told Carol of his desire to see the Lord Jesus in heaven? Carol called the family in to be with the dying man. The man’s wife came in and held his hand till he passed away. Now the old man is in eternity either in hell or heaven. “For to this end Christ both died and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living. But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.” Romans 14:9-11

So here I sit at 11:08 AM listening to my inner voice. I read this morning my Bible. Right now I am reading about David the king of Judah/Israel (First Samuel and Second Samuel).

All I have read besides the Bible this morning is some of a book titled “New Heaven, New Earth: The Visionary Experience In Literature” by Joyce Carol Oates.

I hope to finish reading this week Oates novel “Son of the Morning”.

Well I will close since I do not know what else to report this morning.

It is 9:10 AM Tuesday morning in the flow of existence. It is hard to be honest at times because you know deep down you are a total bore. But we all have to dance to our own tune.

I am down in the basement writing on my lap top, drinking coffee and listening to slow core.

Carol has come home from work and gone to bed for the day. Carol told me she heard some sad news at work last night. An emergency nurse at the hospital was in San Francisco for her daughter’s wedding. The daughter collapsed at the reception and died at the hospital. The new bride died the doctor’s believe from a aneurysm. The girl was only 25 years old. Now she is either in heaven or hell forever. We live in a sad world.

I am thankful I have heard with spiritual ears the Gospel of God. My constant prayer is that I will live for the glory of God. I am such a flop.

I have nothing to do today. It rained during the night. It is too wet to take Rudy for a walk this morning. I should take him around the block so he can do his pops.

Last night there was nothing on television after eight o’clock so I messed with my computer and listening to music. I watched a 45 minutes movie on Pitchfork media on Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds record ” From Her To Eternity”. I went to bed around 11:22 PM last night.

Well what else can I record for prosperity? (I do not believe in the “prosperity gospel”)

I am coming to the end of the novel “Son of the Morning” by Joyce Carol Oates.

This morning I read from Second Samuel/Old Testament for morning devotions. I should pray each day.

I thought of going downtown today for a mocha to celebrate, but I am broke. I need a steady source of income.

This week is Josiah’s last week of teaching history at his school in New Mexico. I do not know when Beth is done teaching her 1st Grade class? When Beth is home she is going to look at bridal gowns with her mother.

Well I suppose I will close to face the music. The Lord is good. “To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy-to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.” Jude 24,25

music: Mogwai “Come On Die Young”

It is 7:50 AM Monday morning. I got up this morning with Carol around 4:15 AM. I got up because I had a headache and I was sick of dreaming. I did come down here in the basement and lay down from 6 o’clock AM till 6:59 AM. It is going to be one of those days.

I have nothing to do today. I have no where to go either. I should take Rudy for a walk someplace this morning.

This morning for breakfast I ate pancakes that I made yesterday. As I ate my pancakes I looked through the morning newspapers.

Carol told me this morning it is a national holy day. It is a day we remember those who have died in battle.

Life is a battle.

Yesterday was a normal day. I do not remember much about yesterday. The day came and went like all my days.

Carol did get up yesterday evening to go to Covenant PCA. She got home from church around 7:12 PM. When she got home last night I was sitting in our dining room reading my Bible. I finished reading First Samuel last night and started reading Second Samuel.

Besides reading the holy Bible I have been reading “The Law Is Not Of Faith: Essays on Works and Grace in the Mosaic Covenant” Edited by Bryan D. Estelle, J. V. Fesko & David VanDrunen.

I plan to get back into reading “The Son of the Morning” a novel by Joyce Carol Oates this week.

This is the last week of May 2009. Soon it will be June 2009.

I just remember yesterday I read Herman Bavinck on the goal of creation in “Reformed Dogmatics” Volume Two God And Creation.

Yesterday while writing about Bavinck I forgot to mention I also have bought these books lately—

“Guide to the Writings of Herman Bavinck” by Eric D. Bristley

“Saved By Grace: The Holy Spirit’s Work in Calling and Regeneration” by Herman Bavinck [Translated by Nelson D. Kloosterman Edited and Introduced by J. Mark Beach]

“Essays On Religion, Science, And Society” by Herman Bavinck [Editor John Bolt Translators Harry Boonstra and Gerrit Sheeres]

Yesterday in the newspaper there was a notice that David Herbert Donald had died. Donald was a leading American historian of Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War. Donald also wrote a wonderful biography on the life of the novelist Thomas Wolfe. Josiah has in his Thomas Wolfe collection this biography, which I got out to look at last night. The biography is titled “Look Homeward: A Life of Thomas Wolfe” by David Herbert Donald [Winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Biography]. (when our son Josiah moved out to New Mexico to teach High School history he left some of his books here for safe keeping-when Joe was in college he got into the life and writings of Thomas Wolfe).

In my biography collection I have a biography of Thomas Wolfe titled “Thomas Wolfe: A Biography” by Elizabeth Nowell.

Sad to confess I have not read Thomas Wolfe since High School. I collect his writings and my hope someday is to read for example his novel “Look Homeward Angel”. So much to read and so little time!

Well I will close to do my little dance of death. Cheers!

It is 10:53 AM Sunday morning. I wandered upstairs and found Carol had gone back to bed. Carol wants to get over her cold before going back to work tomorrow night.

This morning my mind has been on reading Theology. I recently bought these theological works for my library—

“Reformed Dogmatics: Prolegomena” Volume One by Herman Bavinck [John Bolt Editor & John Vriend, Translator]

“Reformed Dogmatics: God And Creation” Volume Two by Herman Bavinck

“Reformed Dogmatics: Sin And Salvation In Christ” Volume Three by Herman Bavinck

“Reformed Dogmatics: Holy Spirit, Church, And New Creation” Volume Four by Herman Bavinck

“A Sketch of the Christian’s Catechism” by William Ames (1576-1633) [Volume 1 Classic Reformed Theology]

“A Body Of Divinity; Being the Sum and Substance of the Christian Religion” by Archbishop James Ussher (1581-1656)

I always tell people I mainly read the Bible, but if you are a serious reader then you should read the best books. A Christian should read the best Christian books. It is good for ones soul to read Bavinck’s four volume “Reformed Dogmatics”.

I started reading Theology back in 1974. I read today Theology off and on. I love reading God’s Word more than theology.

Well once again I never got around to writing what was on my mind. I am a book worm. I spend my days reading books and wanting to buy more books. Next month there are a couple of used book sales for us to attend. Maybe I will find some gems to add to my book collection?

I do not know what to do with myself today, that is why I am sitting here in our basement talking to myself. I suppose I should just sit tight and not freak. I will close to face Time.

“How long is it since God did create the World?
Four thousand Years before the Birth of our Savior Christ: And about 5614 years before this time.

Why is the Order of the Years of the World so carefully set down in the Scripture?
1. To convince all Heathen, that either the World was without beginning, or that it began millions of Years before it did. 2. To give light to all Sacred Histories of the Bible. 3. To show the Time of the fulfilling of the Prophecies which God foretold.” Archbishop James Ussher

It is 7:29 AM Friday morning in the flow of existence. I think I got up this morning around 6:30 AM. Due to the warm weather lately we opened up the house. This morning when I got up the house was filled with cool morning air. I had to shut some windows. I do not think it is going to be in the 80’s today by Lake Michigan. I expect the weather to be in the 70’s temp wise.

When I got up I took out the garbage containers to the side of our driveway. Today is garbage day. It is a blessing to have someone come and take away your garbage. Think of all the places in the world where people live by their garbage.

I cooked myself breakfast this morning and as I ate I looked through a morning newspaper. Now I am down in our basement talking to myself (I should be on my knees praying to the Lord). Carol is not home from work yet. She is off from work the next two nights.

Yesterday I did nothing super important. I did nothing to change the course of world history. I do believe everything is ONE. We all are apart of the whole Plan of God. Some how my life is connected to history of mankind. We all have meaning. Nothing just exist for no reason.

I got out yesterday a novel by Joyce Carol Oates to read titled “Son Of The Morning”. When all else fails one can escape into a novel. I recently found this novel by Oates at used book sale. I had been looking for it since I read about it in a biography on the life of Joyce Carol Oates. When Oates wrote “Son Of The Morning” she was reading through the Bible. The novel is about a minister. I will quote from the inner book flap “Son Of The Morning is the story of Nathanael Vickery conceived in sin but blessed with evangelical purpose. For him, even as a child of five, God is near; as a young boy it has already become clear that he must heed the call of the evangelical ministry.

As his congregation grows to swelling point, as his messages about God and Christ become ever more compelling in their urgency, Nathanael himself hears the voice of Jesus, knows the touch of the Lord, feels the triumph of his mission.

And within that triumph lies the evil seed of pride. “How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning.”"

So yesterday when not falling asleep I read “Son Of The Morning” a novel by Joyce Carol Oates published in 1978.

Last night I only watched television for an hour. I did get out my May 1989 diary (we were living then in Houston, Texas) to see what I was doing at the end of May 1989. Sad to confess I have not changed much since May 1989. I was wondering what the future had for us. I still do not know what the future has for us. We pass our few days of existence in the dark. We live by faith. But the Lord has been good to us over the last 20 years. I can’t find fault with the ways of the Lord. All that God does is good.

Well I suppose I will close to get a fresh cup of coffee and read my Bible.

music: Mark Kozelek  “Lost Verses: Live”