The Dark Night

It is 9:38 AM Tuesday morning in the flow of existence. I have been up since 5:18 AM this morning. I got out of bed so early this morning because I was tired of dreaming. My dream life is exhausting. I also must confess reality is also exhausting. So I got up made a pot of coffee and pancakes with three link sausages.

I ate two pancakes with my links. It is cold rainy dark ugly day. It is 68 degrees this morning.

This morning after cleaning the kitchen I listened to music, wrote in my private diary, and read The Book of Job/OT holy Scriptures.

Carol got home from work around 8:30 PM. She is off from work tonight. I left after Carol went to bed to take Rudy for a morning walking at Kollen Park. Now I am down in the basement writing this crap.

I have nothing to do today worth telling anyone about. I am no braggart.

Last night I mainly watched television and read. I went to bed around 11 o’clock PM and read till late a book titled “Look Homeward: A Life of Thomas Wolfe” by David Herbert Donald.

Yesterday afternoon I read some more of the novel “Look Homeward, Angel” by Wolfe. I also read “Thomas Wolfe: Beyond the Romantic Ego” by Leo Gurko.

These days there is nothing pressing on my mind. I do feel sick to the core of my being. It is not easy for a man of God to live in the last days of the american empire. There is so much senseless pain around me. I am not one to stick my head in the sand. I go through my days with my heart wide opened.

Well I will close to read some more of the Book of Job/Old Testament.

music: Yo La Tengo “And then nothing turned itself inside-out”

It is 10:30 AM in the flow of my american life. I am down in the basement. I am writing on my lap top. I am feeling terrible, but I look to the Lord to keep me going. The Lord has never failed me.

I got up this morning around 6:44 AM. Carol had gotten up this morning around 4:30 AM. When I got up she was messing with our main computer.

What was the first thing I did this morning? I can’t remember. I think I got a can of coke and greeted my wife and our dog Rudy. Carol told me the young fellow who was out riding his bike with a church group morning had died (his mother is a night nurse). A drunk Sunday morning plowed into a church group riding their bikes for a road trip went through a red light and hit two bikers-one of the bikers is in fair condition the other died-he was only 19 years old. The drunk who killed him was 44 years old and was driving his car with revoked licensed. I was wondering this morning if this 19 year old fellow was ready to meet the Lord? Did he love the Lord Jesus? Was he seeking to live a holy life before this drunk killed him? Did this 19 year old fellow have a desire to serve God all his days? Life is so short for some people. Now this 19 year old man is in eternity. I feel terrible for the mother, her boy is gone. I wonder if the drunk who killed this young man is sorry? I doubt it since he was out driving drunk at 8 o’clock in the morning-the fellow should be shot-hanged-put down like a mad dog.

I can not remember what I did this morning when I got up. I did not eat any breakfast or drink any coffee. Wait maybe I did drink a cup of coffee. I do remember messing with our main computer this morning.

I remember this morning Carol going outside to cut roses to take to her mother this morning-after she cut roses she started pulling weeds-I went outside to watch her with Rudy. I should mow the back yard today since it is only in the low 70’s today.

After Carol left this morning to visit her mother I left with Rudy to walk him at Window on the Waterfront.

So time keeps rolling along. I read also this morning chapter one of The Book of Job/Old Testament. I collect commentaries on the Book of Job. I wish I had sat under a teaching elder going through the Book of Job verse by verse when I was a church member (I am a member of the Body of Christ). For some morning fun I will list my commentaries on Job—

“Job” [Ancient Christian Commentary On Scripture] Old Testament VI Edited by Manlio Simonetti & Marco Conti

“Job” [The Daily Study Bible Series] by John C. L. Gibson

“Job” [Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching] by J. Gerald Janzen

“The Book of Job” [The Old Testament Library] by Norman C. Habel

“Practical Observations On Job” by Joseph Caryl 12 volumes (a famous Puritan work (1644-1666)

“Lectures On Job” by James Durham (first published in 1759)

“Deep Things Out Of Darkness: The Book of Job Essays and a New English Translation” by David Wolfers

Also check out these books on The Book of Job before you fall over dead—

“Sermons On Job” by John Calvin [Facsimile Of 1574 Edition]

“Calvin’s teaching on Job: Proclaiming the Incomprehensible God” by Derek Thomas

“Job” two volumes by Keil & Delitzsch [Commentaries on the Old Testament]

“Sitting With Job: Selected Studies on the Book of Job” Edited by Roy B. Zuck

I have more books on The Book of Job but the ones listed are the ones I would look at if I was teaching the Book of Job.

It is now 11:08 AM and Carol is home from visiting her mother and going to another grocery store. It is a blessing to have food to eat. Millions of people in the world are starving right now.

Carol just told me she is going to go outside to do yard work since the weather is so nice.

I have nothing pressing on my mind this morning worth writing about right now. I should read the Book of Job and then during the afternoon hours read “Look Homeward, Angel” a novel by Thomas Wolfe.

Well I will close to chase after time.

music: M. Ward “Post-War”

music: Superchunk “Cup of Sand”

It is 7:52 AM Sunday morning. I am down in the basement reading stuff on the internet. Carol should be home soon from work. She is off from work tonight. Life keeps speeding by like Superman faster than a speeding bullet.

I got up this morning sometime after 6:03 AM. I woke up around 1:30 AM this morning to shut all the windows, because we were having a thunder storm. I turned the AC back on before I went back to bed, so now our house is back to being cool.

Yesterday I read my books and wandered the house. I laid down for an hour during the afternoon. I did take Rudy for a walk yesterday morning. Time keeps rolling along.

I have nothing to do today. I will read my books and write in my private diary.

Well I will close to wait for Carol to come home. After Carol goes to bed for the day I will take Rudy for a walk someplace.

Yesterday was our daughter Beth’s 25 birthday. We called her last night and wished her a Happy Birthday.

music: Dinosaur Jr. “Farm”

Absent from flesh! O blissful thought!
What unknown joys this moment brings!
Freed from the mischiefs sin has brought,
From pains, and fears, and all their springs.

Absent from flesh! illustrious day!
Surprising scene! triumphant stroke
That rends the prison of my clay;
And I can feel my fetters broke.

Absent from flesh! then rise, my soul,
Where feet nor wings could never climb,
Beyond the heav’ns, where planets roll,
Measuring the cares and joys of time.

I go where God and glory shine,
His presence makes eternal day:
My all that’s mortal I resign,
For angels wait and point my way.

http://www.hymntime.com/tch/htm/a/b/s/absentff.htm

It is 6:54 AM Saturday morning in the flow of being alive. I got up this morning around 6:03 AM. I got up remembering a dream where I was packing a big knife for protection. I also had a dream last night where a person stole from me a thousand dollar bill. I was so upset having that thousand dollar bill taken from me by a thief that I woke myself up.

So here I sit in the basement waking up to another day. I am drinking coffee and listening to the music of Giant Sand. I already looked through the Saturday morning edition of the Grand Rapids Press newspaper.

Carol usually gets home from work around 8:30 AM. She told me she might go to the Farmer’s Market after work this morning. She asked me if I wanted anything? I told her I wanted a sports car, ten million dollars and a castle in Spain. If I can not have it all I do not want anything but a vision of God in the new creation. “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure” 1 John 3:2,3.

Yesterday I sat all day in the dining room and read. I read my Bible during the morning hours. I then read “Look Homeward, Angel” a novel by Thomas Wolfe during the afternoon hours. And during the evening hours I read “Look Homeward: A Life of Thomas Wolfe” by David Herbert Donald. I will follow the same order today of reading.

Last night I watched television and went to bed around 11 o’clock PM. I read before falling asleep the biography on the life of Wolfe by Donald. I did not go anywhere yesterday. I walked Rudy around the block before going to bed last night. It was a warm night and I could see the moon and the stars. Carol told me that on the 7th of July there is to be a full moon. I hope when we are in the new creation there will be moon.

I am enjoying reading “Look Homeward, Angel” by Wolfe and the biography on the life of Wolfe by Donald.

I am also have been blessed reading through the Bible this year 2009. I am going to make it a habit the rest of my days to read through the Bible. I want to have the Word of God always on my heart and mind.

Last night Carol got up around 6:30 PM and left for work at 7:55 PM. She works tonight and is off tomorrow night. She works Monday night. When our kids are home next month Carol will be off for two weeks. Carol gets all messed up sleep wise when she is off for long periods of time. Carol usually sleeps all afternoon and is awake from 3 o’clock in the morning till Noon. She is going to be a wreck when she is on her vacation.

I am thankful I can sleep anytime I want. I took a nap yesterday from 2:55 PM till 4 o’clock PM. I need to be always thinking my own thoughts in God. I want to think like God the Lord Jesus Christ. I want to be like the Lord. I want to be a servant of Christ and not a slave of sin. I am thankful the power of sin has been broken in my life because I died on the Cross with the Lord Jesus Christ. I have been raised with Christ and now am seated in heavenly places waiting for the New Creation.

Well I suppose I will close to read my NIV large print Bible till Noontime. The Lord is good.

music: Giant Sand “Is All Over The Map”

It is 8:44 AM Friday in the flow of existence. Time keeps flowing into the void. Soon the void will be the new creation. I have been up since 7:03 AM. I do not know why I am up? I take comfort in believing the Lord of history knows why I am awake in the dead american world.

Carol just left to have breakfast with friends. I am down in the basement reading stuff on the internet and drinking coffee. Where is the music? The King of Pop is dead.

Yesterday I sat in the dining room all day reading my books and the Bible. When I say I am reading my Bible I mean my large print New International Version Bible. And not my small print New King James Version Bible. I have many Bibles in my Bible collection. For many years I would not read the NIV Bible but only the New King James Version or the old King James Version. But now I feel ok reading the NIV Bible. I must be getting old.

I finished reading in the Old Testament [Covenant] the Book of Ezra and now I am reading the Book of Nehemiah.

I read also yesterday “Look Homeward, Angel” a novel by Thomas Wolfe and “Look Homeward: A Life of Thomas Wolfe” by David Herbert Donald. So I sat in our dining room all day with the house all closed up to keep out the heat reading, writing in my private diary, listening to music and wandering the house. Carol got up last night around 7:30 PM.

I watched television and went to bed around 11 o’clock PM. Carol got up around 2 o’clock AM and did not come back to bed. She works tonight and tomorrow night. There was music last night.

music Air “Moon Safari”

I have nothing to do today. I will once again do what I do every day. I should mention that I did mow the front lawn yesterday morning. It was too hot yesterday to mow our back yard.

Carol walked Rudy this morning so I do not have to do that activity this morning. I might go for a walk someplace anyway this morning. Or I might just wait it out here in my cell.

Well I do not know what else to report this morning. These days there is not much to report. I live a very simple quiet american life. We live like kings.

music: The Folk Implosion “One Part Lullaby”

It is 7:35 AM Thursday morning in the flow of existence. I am down in the basement reading stuff on the internet. I have been up since 6:11 AM. I got up because our bedroom was hot. Down here in our basement it is actually cold. I heard Carol leave upstairs, she took Rudy for a walk around the block. Carol is having breakfast with friends at the Wind Mill this morning at 8 o’clock AM.

I have nothing important to do today. Right now I feel like going back to bed.

Last night I watched television and went to bed around 11 o’clock PM. I do not know what time Carol came to bed.

I have been reading my Bible and a novel titled “Look Homeward, Angel” by Thomas Wolfe. I am also reading a biography on the life of Thomas Wolfe. I suppose I will close.

Existence keeps speeding along.

music: Sonic Youth “The Eternal”

It is 10:58 AM late Wednesday morning in the flow so salvation history. Every day the Lord is building His Church. “Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit” Ephesians 2:19-22.

I got up this morning around 6:45 AM-made a pot of coffee and greeted Rudy. I read some of the Book of Ezra/Old Testament. I went down in the basement and messed with my lap top (where I am right now). Went back up top and waited for Carol to come fr homeom work. Carol went to the Farmer’s Market after work this morning.

Carol got home from work and the Farmer’s Market around 9 o’clock AM. Carol talked to me before going to bed. She is off tonight from work. I left after Carol went to bed to take Rudy for a quick walk around Kollen Park. It is a very hot morning, too hot to be outside walking a dog or doing anything.

Last night I watched television and finished reading “Nickel Mountain” a novel by John Gardner. I started reading “Look Homeward, Angel” a novel by Thomas Wolfe last night.

Well I am not in the mood to write any more so I will close to wander my cell. I am falling asleep as I write. I need to wake-up, but why?

music: Sunset Rubdown “Dragonslayer”